When Loving You Is Hurting Me

Your childhood can present you with several unhealthy survival mechanisms; which can follow you throughout life. A deep fear of conflict (which often meant someone would leave), constant apologies, guilt for things you’re not truly responsible for, and a voice in the back of your mind telling you no matter what you do, who you are, who you become, you will never be enough. Often times you get involved in relationships based on what you feel is the norm from your childhood, which does not serve you any good. You can love someone so much that it hurts you because of what you’ve learned from your upbringing. With pain in your heart from years of continued unresolved issues, you decide you finally had enough… enough of not being validated which may hurt you to walk away. Nevertheless, it’s even more painful to stay.

Love absolutely means nothing when you can’t trust someone. The distrust prevents the possibility. Being in love does not mean being a doormat. A person can hurt you so bad that it causes stress in your body, in return your body wreaks havoc of ulcers because you love someone so much that you are afraid to walk away and start over.

Compassion for others begins with compassion for ourselves. Loving someone should not mean getting hurt time and time again. There will always be a need for forgiveness, but not at the cost of healthy boundaries. Sometimes, you just have to take a step back.

I’ve realized that sometimes, forgiveness is not about absolving someone of their actions—it means we have given ourselves permission to move on with our lives, deciding “what you did no longer holds power over me.” It’s okay, necessary even to stand up and say enough is enough. We can’t resolve hurts from unstable grounds. If someone hurts you, chances are they’re suffering themselves. When both individuals feel the pain that they believe the other caused, they will already be on the defensive. I have learned that the only place from which one can work through those old wounds is one of stability, love, and trust.

Yet closure, in the sense of reconciliation, communication, and healing together may never happen. If someone doesn’t believe they’ve done anything wrong, arguing your point will only drive the rift in the relationship further apart.

Remember to remind yourself that toxicity begins with a choice and although it hurts to walk away from that toxic relationship, you must be able to forgive them so that it will be well with your soul. Forgiveness is not always for them but for you to become whole again.

Continue to pray to God to give you the strength to put you back together again because he is the only one who can heal you from the inside out.